Monday, May 07, 2007

Seeking Trophy Wife

Seeking Trophy Wife: M.R.S. Degree Required
By Mike S. AdamsMonday, May 7, 2007


I have a friend who’s going through a rough time in his marriage. Recently, his wife told him she was moving out and getting an apartment for six months so she could “find herself.” In typical feminist fashion she asked him for some money to help pay for her lease, power, and cable deposits. One of her main criticisms of him was that he offered her unsolicited financial advice. Had she listened to her husband she wouldn’t be in such a fix. So I told my friend to give her a copy of the book Catch-22 instead of writing her a check. Maybe she could “find herself” in a twelve dollar novel by Joseph Heller.

Of course, when I hear of married women making idiotic statements like “I need to go find myself,” “I need to learn how to be me,” and “My husband and I should be equals in every respect of the marriage” I’m forced to make one of two conclusions. First, the woman is not taking the medication her psychiatrist prescribed for her. That can be cured by simply telling her to take her damned medication.

But the other conclusion - that she is just a bad wife because she got a bad education while she was in college – calls for a more complicated cure. That is why today I’m asking colleges across America to put an end to the jokes about M.R.S. degrees by actually starting M.R.S. degree programs nationwide. With all the talk about sexual diversity it’s high time we started to celebrate nuptial diversity without all this useless banter about gay marriage.

No reasonable person could be opposed to M.R.S. degrees for women who aspire to be “nothing more” than a wife and mother. The most important job any woman can ever hold is that of a mother. Important people like teachers can have an effect on thousands of students, but no teacher can have that much of an effect on a child she only knows for one year. Mothers, on the other hand, will influence their own children for about fifty years.

Last week, Fox News ran a story saying that if housewives were paid they would make about $138,000 a year. This number demonstrates that there is a great deal that goes into being a stay-at-home mom. But is the average college graduate prepared to handle these responsibilities? Not without an M.R.S. degree.

A student who chooses to pursue a bachelor’s degree in M.R.S. would receive a true liberal arts degree. She would take classes in general areas such as history, English, and science, just so she can educate her children. She should take child development classes, educational psychology, first aid, and accounting, too. Culinary classes, sewing, interior design, day care management, safe driving classes and communication classes would also be required.

Of course, like any other major, the college would need to set up some new classes distinct to the M.R.S. major. I have several suggestions below:

MRS 101 - Why Ovaries Matter. Recently, a female student at Ohio University was attacked for saying she would want a male, rather than a female, firefighter to save her if she ever got caught in a blaze. Those who criticized her were under the impression that gender differences are simply socially constructed. That isn’t true. Men have testicles and women have ovaries. And both of these facts have consequences.

MRS 102 - Sexual Activity and Reproductive Choice. If a woman has a constitutional right to have an abortion, she certainly has a constitutional right to be a slut, too. But there is no constitutional right to exercise a constitutional right without consequences. A woman needs to know how being a slut in college will affect her self-image and how that will, in turn, affect her marriage or marriages later in life. And she also needs to know how sleeping with a lot of women affects the psychological make-up of her future spouse. “Equality” is not the only reason we need to do away with double-standards on pre-marital sex.

MRS 210 - Sex after Marriage. A woman has an obligation to keep herself trim and attractive after she gets married. She also has a right not to have a fat slob for a husband. That’s why married couples should work out together. That will do a lot to keep their sex lives interesting but they’ll need more than just physical fitness. That’s what this class will be all about.

MRS 220 - Spousal Communication. Some women who are married think it’s alright to talk to their mothers each and every single day on the telephone. That’s okay, unless, of course, she’s talking to her mommy about a marital problem her husband does not even know about. It’s not rational or adult to expect the man to figure out the problems you conceal. It’s far healthier to learn to communicate with your spouse directly even if it means there will be an occasional argument. And, for the sake of fairness and balance, there will be plenty of time in this class to talk about the consequences of marrying a momma’s boy.

Cait Jacob and Becky Banks join my wife and mother-in-law as some of the prettiest red-heads you’ll ever see. I thank them for giving me the inspiration to write this column. Because we need more women just like them, we need M.R.S. degree programs now. Our young men need good wives more than anyone needs another degree program teaching women how to become lesbians, feminists, and man-haters for life.

Dr. Mike S. Adams would like to apologize for the redundancy in the final sentence of this column.

Mike Adams is a criminology professor at the University of North Carolina Wilmington and author of Welcome to the Ivory Tower of Babel: Confessions of a Conservative College Professor.

10 comments:

budbud said...

Well first of all, I am a woman and I have heard some of my ex boyfriend use the term "find himself" before. This is a sexist comment saying that it is a feminist fashion. Sometimes relationships do drive you so far away from reality that you do need to get ahold of yourself and find out where you stand in life. Describing the statement as "idiotic" is idiotic and shallow of you.
Secondly, not every women wants to be only a wife and a mother. I am single by choice and that is the last thing that I want in life. I live for myself not for others. But yes I do agree with you saying that being a mother is an important job, and rather I am single or married and a mother I will perform the job well, with a career that is not a housewife.
Third, I was raised by my mother who doese not have a college education and she is one of the smartest mothers I know. And yes if I do ever marry a man, I will speak to my mother everyday on the phone rather it's about maritial problems or not. But not all men think like you so I might not have maritial problems due to this sense. Not only do good men need good wives, that’s the problem, good women cant find good men anymore.

futurelawyer0910 said...

There are a few things that I would like to say about this. First, I don't like how the men are portrayed and ruthless and unconttrolled rulers in the beginning. I mean, "So I told my friend to give her a copy of the book Catch-22 instead of writing her a check. Maybe she could “find herself” in a twelve dollar novel by Joseph Heller." Let's be real with life...nobody ever says that if they want to sav their marriage and nobody every syas that who respects their wife enough to help them out indtead of putting them the pain of reading a book.
The next issue that I have with this article is the whole M.R.S. degree thing. The idea of that, initially, to me, was very laughable and almost crazy in a way. But after reading on, I havecome to realize the odd genius behind the development of the M.R.S. degree! MRS101, "Why Ovaries Matter" is the biggest waste of a class I have ever heard. Certain jobs have certain social stereotypes and if someone prefers a firefighter to be a male over a female, then so be it. Don't give her a course on how to be a stronger woman with lessons of how powerful her ovaries actually can be in society. MRS 102 seems like an interesting class. It's kind of demeaning to women, having a constitutional right to be a slut without consequence. But it is good for a woman to know how her being a slut in college will affect her marriage a few years down the line. MRS 210 is simply a class to have sex in a gym with a prerequisite of being married. Seems like an enjoyable class to me. MRS 220 is about getting the wife to talk to her husband about their problems instead of the wife talking to her mother about her marital problems. Spousal Communication is very important in a relationship. So if you want to join the feminist movement, sign up to get an M.R.S. degree because if not, you get to turn out like the rest of the women in society, emotional and moody, but supportive and conventional, all in the same token!

United We Lay said...

I went to Rosemont where they used to specialize in the MRS degree. I choose to get a real degree and use it.

Ric Caric said...

The Adams article was one of the right-wing things I put up to give my students "balance." Adams is as bitter and resentful as a conservative can be.

Anonymous said...

Adam's paragraph on male firefighters vs. female firefighters is, like the rest of the column, very moronic. How exactly does having ovaries make someone an inferior firefighter? Adams does not even bother to answer this question. He offers no scientific/statistical evidence proving women do worse than men as far as physical performance.

The guess who said...

As I started reading this article it began to piss me off. Saying that women need to take their medications prescribed by their psychiatrist and it’s her fault she received a bad education in college. Then I read on and thought, “Okay this guy isn’t quite the asshole I thought.” Oh was I wrong! The last paragraph is what really upset me.
“Cait Jacob and Becky Banks join my wife and mother-in-law as some of the prettiest red-heads you’ll ever see. I thank them for giving me the inspiration to write this column. Because we need more women just like them, we need M.R.S. degree programs now. Our young men need good wives more than anyone needs another degree program teaching women how to become lesbians, feminists, and man-haters for life.”
I don’t think colleges need M.R.S degree programs. That would turn every woman in to a step-ford wife. What about our young women who need good men in their lives? Why not have a degree program called “Mr. Mom” in colleges teaching men how to be better husbands and fathers? The only reason this guy doesn’t want more classes teaching women how to be feminists or man-haters, is because he wants to keep them in a certain role so he has complete control over their lives.

peace and love said...

From the title of the article, I knew this would be a read that would make me...angry to say the least. I’m only going to waste time answering this ridiculous article to go into the beginning and the end. I’m not going to mess around with the rest because I feel like the world is too short to be pissed off about something as stupid as this article.
I'll just start with saying, I really do not understand how this man is married. The word homoeroticism is the core of this piece, but it's not subtle. It's this big smack women geared from the start. What even posed this article, his friend having trouble with his wife? "In typical feminist fashion". He doesn't lash out at the woman who tried to offend his superior sex by wanting a break, but he just decides to go for feminism as a whole. Before I get his ignorant of the word feminism, I would like to point out that this woman could have just demanded a divorce from this man and not even try in their relationship, but yet she is trying by only leaving for six months. Ok, now back to feminism.

Feminism is a fight for equality in society. Look it up on dictionary.com while you're sitting at your computer. His final punch at women is by saying "than anyone needs another degree program teaching women how to become lesbians, feminists, and man-haters for life". Well, I'm a female writing this blog to fulfill the requirement for my Government major. Wow, I must not only be a lesbian, but also a feminist AND a man-hater. First of all, lesbian, feminist, and man-hater are not synonyms by any means. Second of all, this line really demonstrated that he has no respect for women pursuing an education of anything other than a stay at home mom. Nothing is wrong with being a stay at home mom, but there is something wrong with him bashing women who want to do something else with their lives. Heaven forbid, we choose our own paths in life. Speaking of choosing paths, I’m going to stop here because this is a waste of my life and I find no more of a need to respond.

Bradley Brown said...

This article is a little extreme, to say the least. The author, in the end, does seem bitter and rather one-sided; however, I can see his angle in his implications. The “job” of a stay at home mom is very important, and on the argument of an MRS degree, I have got to say I, though judging by the above comments, I may be crucified for it, I think an MRS degree is somewhat of a good idea. By no means should there be any pressure on women to take this course, I think women wishing to specialize in stay at home mom-ness would stand to benefit from the course, as would their families. Now, some of the individual classes the author mentions are ridiculous.

MRS 101 Why Ovaries Matter is hatefully inspired. It is obvious that women for the most part are not as physically able as men (look at every track team in the world), there doesn’t need to be a course trying to put them in their place like this though that is wrong. Some women are pretty much physical beasts though, and I am afraid of some. As for the firefighter thing, I don’t think women should have reduced standards because they are women on some jobs, if they can meet the same physical requirements as men; they have earned every right to be in that job.

Using an MRS degree as a vehicle to degrade women and feminism, and implicate that stay at home moms is all they should be is not right. Here the author makes a bad example of men, and I can see why so many women think we are no good. I agree with the idea of an MRS degree because its usefulness in society cannot be denied, but it should not be implicated the way, or for the reasons this author suggests. The course also should be open to men.

Anonymous said...

I disagree with women (or even men-something this article failed to mention about) having or wanting the need of "going to find themselves." Isn't that just a newer version of gettin a seperation, or hey I don't know if I am sexually attracted to you so I'm gonna go have sex with anything else that comes my way!

I do agree with the fact that the most important job of any woman can ever hold is being a mother. I believe my mother is the smartest and most accurate person I have ever met and probably will ever come in contact with. Not only does she teach me life lessons, but she has the largest and biggest impact on my life! No matter what the situation, she is ALWAYS right and always has the best advise.

The part of this article that really got my blood flowing and upset me were the MRS "degree" points of interest! I believe myself to be a strong feminist, but I wouldn't go as far as criticizing someone who wanted a male firefighter to rescue me rather than a female one (it wasn't that big of a deal) or calling someone a slut for having an abortion. Having an abortion is a womans choice, not the governments. Why should we as a nation outlaw abortions? They are still going to happen, whether we like it or not, so why not make them safe?!

And how dare someone say that we need good wives more than anyone needs another degree program teaching women how to become lesbians, feminists, and man-haters for life. I am far from a lesbian or man-hater. It is your choice to do whatever you want in this world, whether it mean love someone of the same sex or hate the opposite. Another thing, that really bothered me is how this was completely one sided to women...feminists, such as Catherine McKinnon would be completely and utterly offended by this!

Anonymous said...

Wow. Talk about contrast. I didn’t even think this guy was serious when I started reading the article. How this man’s wife could ever tolerate living with someone as self-centered and narcissist as Adams, I will never understand. But that brings me to an important question: Should I, as a woman keenly interested in the politics of the feminine, be appalled by women who choose this sort of lifestyle? Are they traitors to our gender as Malcolm X believed black men who just tried to “get along” were traitors? Are the women who refuse to acknowledge the forced subversion inherent in America’s society undermining the toil of our feminist leaders? Some would argue that they do, that one is either with us, or against us, no middle ground. I, however, am inclined to feel sorry for most such women, as they have probably known nothing else in their lives with which to expect there could be more. I would like to note here that some women, fully educated and aware of all there is to offer in the world also sometimes choose to stay at home. These women are also admirable, for a man could conceivable choose the same course of action.